Understanding and Helping Loved Ones Who Self-Harm

Often when someone says “self-harm” the train of thought leads to suicide. There is a longstanding trend of individuals misunderstanding self-harm and ultimately equating it to suicidal thoughts.

A very important thing to understand when trying to learn more about self-harm is that the action of physically harming oneself does not mean that one wants to die by suicide. The definition of self-harm is, “deliberate injury to oneself.”

RECOGNIZING SELF-HARM

Some common signs someone may be self-harming:

• Unexplained, frequent injuries

• Attempts to hide the injuries, like wearing long sleeves or pants on hot days

• Difficulty processing heavy emotions

• Self-isolation

• A low sense of self or self-esteem

• Scars on the skin in patterns or shapes

It is important to not only be able to recognize when someone is self-harming, but also to know how to help them. While those who self-harm do not necessarily want to take their own life, serious risk-factors are still associated with self-harm:

• Intense negative feelings of shame and guilt

• Low self-esteem

• Infections

• Scarring

• Uncontrolled bleeding

• Worsening mental health conditions

• Serious, possibly fatal injury

HELPING SOMEONE WHO SELF-HARMS

It can be understandably difficult to realize that someone you care about is engaging in self-harm, especially as it can be difficult to understand. It is important to understand self-harm is not a mental illness. Self-harm is an action that is a sign for the need of stronger coping skills for that individual.

A great place to start offering support is by checking in on the person you are concerned about and reminding them that you are available and are a safe place for them. A common misconception is that by checking in on someone or bringing up their mental health of self-harm, you will cause them to further self-harm; it is in fact, the opposite. By checking in on someone it will remind them they are not alone and may possibly prevent them from engaging in the practice.

To best help someone who is self-harming, it is important to understand some of the reasons why people self-harm:

• A way to process negative or overwhelming feelings

• To distract themselves from their current feelings

• A way to feel something, particularly if they are feeling numb or disconnected

• A means to feel a sense of control

• To express emotions that they don’t want or know how to verbalize

THINGS TO DO AROUND SOMEONE WHO SELF-HARMS

If you are looking for ways to support those in your life who may be engaging in self-harm, here are some suggestions:

• Avoid judgment

• Be understanding

• Be genuinely interested in learning how these actions provide relief

• Remain supportive – Even if you don’t understand the why behind their actions

• Try and refrain from asking for promises, such as them promising to stop or talk to you before engaging in said behavior

• Encourage them to seek help and gently remind them that there are additional coping mechanisms available, with less serious risks

For help, you can contact LifeWays 24/7 at 1 (800) 284-8288.

You can also take an anonymous online screening if you are worried about your behaviors or the behaviors of a loved one: lifewaysmi.org/screening

You can also dial 988 or text 4HELP to 741-741 to talk to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.